


i dream of arachnids

by pheever



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Ambiguous Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mind the Tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pheever/pseuds/pheever
Summary: How many nights has he had of staring up at the rafters? Counting the beams, the cobwebs, and the beginnings of newer intricate webs. A spider’s presence in your living space implies a healthy household, so he’s been told.What a load of bullshit.-Bad memories decide to rear their ugly head.-Please mind the tags
Relationships: Balthazar von Adalbrecht | Balthus von Albrecht/Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc
Kudos: 29





	i dream of arachnids

Yuri **loathed** this.

How many nights has he had of staring up at the rafters? Counting the beams, the cobwebs, and the beginnings of newer intricate webs. A spider’s presence in your living space implies a healthy household, so he’s been told.

_What a load of bullshit._

Spiders are like nomadic hunters, biding their chance to capture any poor unsuspecting bugs for a meal, spinning webs only to abandon them at the promise of better hunting grounds, a safer haven. Do they think? Do they know when it’s time to leave? When to mate? When they die? Oh, how he wishes it were that _simple_. 

Occasionally, he yearns to disappear, leaving behind no trace of him - as if he never existed. Where he longs to sleep, only to never wake again. The spiders could be territorial and cruel, a fact emphasized by the curled up remains of a spider in another’s web. Much like the dog eat dog world that is Abyss. _Much... like himself_...

Sometimes he thinks only of himself and wishes to leave his people, his gang, his ‘ _family _’ - the Ashen Wolves. Leaving everything behind when it gets to be too much to endure, much like this restless night, waxing poetry about ** _spiders_**__ of all things.

__He has to remind himself, he’s safe and sound as one can be in Abyss, with Balthus underneath on the bunk below, snoring away. Yuri’s almost envious of how sleep goes to him easily._ _

__He’s not affected by a blunt knife, by the sight of lavender locks slipping through his bloodied fingers, a mirror shattered nearby. The sting of gritty pebbles digging into the side of his face, the burn of straining muscles, the beginnings of a bouquet of horrific bruises - the memory of his mother’s anguish at that. By wandering hands, a dim room, a haunting but serene voice singing as he struggles to not gag on smoke, or from the stale scents - a ratty cot, a moth eaten blanket, _burning_. He’s not troubled by insomnia, anxiety clawing its way into his stomach and throat. He’s not keeping a vigilant eye on the closed door, preparing for the possibility of someone breaking in. _ _

__That moment never arrives._ _

__It never occurs because he’s gathered in powerful arms, face pushed against a bare chest as he hyperventilated. A gruff voice, laced with sleep, calling his name. _1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3…_ _ _

__The moment never happens because Balthus has a firm but stable hold on him he could break from, if he chooses. The moment never happens because Balthus is telling a nonsensical story, he’s told dozens of times, to distract him from hyper vigilant thoughts and unseen demons._ _

__How many times has this special person (his heart) chased away the bad dreams? Leaving him safe in those arms that are keeping the unpleasant memories at bay. Yuri’s heart lurched at the thought of when Balthus comforts him, he seeks nothing in return but Yuri’s peace of mind, his comfort._ _

__but Yuri can't _feel_ it. _ _

Not when he has him caught up in his web, he wants nothing more for the brawler to leave someone like him. He deserves better. He deserves **_so much better_** than one so vile, so filthy, _so broken_. 

__…_ _

__With tears in his eyes, he pressed his face harder, hoping Balthus mistakes the wetness as sweat. Yuri knows he knows, with a surprisingly perceptive man like him, just knowing the right things to say. The right things to do._ _

__… He loves him._ _

**Author's Note:**

> lovely shout-out to the amazing people of the balthuri channel in the Ashen Wolves server! uwu
> 
> twitter: _asphyxian


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